A skateboarding Bulldog.

It’s absolutely genius, especially when the little Japanese mutt uses his paw to power himself along. And the way he has skilfully mastered leaning into a corner. I couldn’t even sit on a skateboard without falling off, so I’m suitably impressed.

It’s got me thinking about Tess. We are always on the look out for ways in which she can earn her keep. She’s eaten our sofa, devoured endless socks and dirty underwear, ruined the grass with her poisonous bitch wee and left us shell-shocked at her kennel bills. It’s about time the furry bean made us a tenner or two. I’m thinking, what about a roller-skating Labrador? You’d pay money to see that spectacle, surely?

I could get a matching pair – well two pairs in Tess’s case – and glide with ease at her side. If we get really skilled we could even perform Starlight Express to Simon Cowell and his posse on Britain’s Got Talent.

It’s got potential this plan. Keep an eye out for the forthcoming video…