They’re lovely – now give me the receipt

Wednesday, December 28, 2011
11:09 AM

A new study from UK laundry specialist” Dr Beckmann reveals that while more than 24 million pairs of Christmas knickers will have been given as gifts by men to their girlfriends and wives this year, it is likely that half the fancy pants will never be worn. The press release blames men, who it says are “pants at choosing pants for their partner”.

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It transpires that 31% of all Christmas knickers bought by men for their lovers are the wrong size, often too small but sometimes, unforgivably, too big. A further 12% are too racy and some 10% are the wrong colour.

Now if my husband were to buy me the sort of vast, capacious, stretchy knickers I like (see Monday Feelings ad nauseam), I would never forgive him. No, I want him to buy me skimpy, lace thongs two sizes too small.

Obviously, I would rather go commando than wear them but it pleases me that he thinks they would suit me.

Love is a pair of ridiculously tiny knickers.