Tracking down Homo Perfectus with the help of the Clare scribe

Tuesday, November 22, 2011
9:32 AM

Ron Longland, scribe of Clare, studied my recent piece which found that the perfect man, according to women, is Mr Average and was moved to write:

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“Thank you, Lynne, you have me to a T. I am indeed the perfect man, Mr Average.

I am certainly male. My doctor confirmed that the other day.

I am of average height, being almost exactly 5ft 10in tall in my stockinged feet, not that I wear stockings, you understand. I have a very decent sense of humour. I can cook anything from hot water to full Sunday roast.

I have short hair but it is slowly fading from dark. Sorry, I mean maturing into that rather attractive silvery-grey.

I have always been top of the pile but normally it has been a very small one.

I am indeed occasionally romantic... every other year, according to Carole.

As far as body hair is concerned, a conversation with my hairdresser (number four all round) confirms that most men tend towards being a gorilla as they age.

Obviously, it is a macho thing, quite a ‘roaring’ success, one might say.”

Thank you, Ron. I have passed on your details to the Natural History Museum, Ron.

Expect a call...