April 16 2014 Latest news:
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Ron Longland, scribe of Clare, studied my recent piece which found that the perfect man, according to women, is Mr Average and was moved to write:
“Thank you, Lynne, you have me to a T. I am indeed the perfect man, Mr Average.
I am certainly male. My doctor confirmed that the other day.
I am of average height, being almost exactly 5ft 10in tall in my stockinged feet, not that I wear stockings, you understand. I have a very decent sense of humour. I can cook anything from hot water to full Sunday roast.
I have short hair but it is slowly fading from dark. Sorry, I mean maturing into that rather attractive silvery-grey.
I have always been top of the pile but normally it has been a very small one.
I am indeed occasionally romantic... every other year, according to Carole.
As far as body hair is concerned, a conversation with my hairdresser (number four all round) confirms that most men tend towards being a gorilla as they age.
Obviously, it is a macho thing, quite a ‘roaring’ success, one might say.”
Thank you, Ron. I have passed on your details to the Natural History Museum, Ron.
Expect a call...