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Heartbreaking letter written by Luke Durbin’s sister Alicia says: ‘Someone knows’

05:01 28 September 2015

Luke, Nicki and Alicia Durbin

Luke, Nicki and Alicia Durbin


Luke Durbin’s sister Alicia, 26, has written a heart-wrenching letter to Luke which she knows he is unlikely to ever see.

To Luke,

I wish I was writing this letter knowing you’d receive it.

After nine and a half years there is so much I would want to tell you and so many questions I would want to ask.

Time has been such a strange concept since you’ve been gone. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday and sometimes it seems like an eternity of hurt and coping mechanisms.

I can still feel 16 years old, me annoyed at you for using my toothbrush,

‘Luke!! Why mine? Yours is exactly the same but green!’.

I’d put soap on it just to catch you out!

I would do anything to be yelling at you about toothbrushes again– to get annoyed with you again, to laugh with you, I just want you to be home.

It was such a beautiful day, that day, the last day we saw you. Laughing in the garden, your excitement about your big night out. How can within 48 hours that absolute buzz of excitement and happiness in our house, have turned into an ensuing nine and a half years of complete devastation?

You would be so proud of our Viking Mum. She has been everything that she promised she would be our entire lives. She has fought and fought in every direction to cover every angle in desperation to get you back to us. You can see in her eyes her absolute heartbreak, her just-about-keeping-it-together-smile at Christmas and Birthdays, which you just know will never be the same.

And you know what Luke? One of the most painful things about this? Someone knows. They are carrying on with their lives, and they know what happened to you that night. They have managed for this long to let our family go through unimaginable heartbreak.

My wish would be that I will one day be able to say this in person, but in case I can’t, I want to say thank you. Thank you for looking after me when we were younger, for giving me advice when I needed it (although I’m still questioning your sound advice not to drink fizzy drinks and laugh as the bubbles would go in to my brain). You were a nightmare at times, but you were our nightmare and it is so desperately unfair that this has happened to us. Mum, you and me - our triangle.

I love you and am so thankful that our family is ours.

Forever searching,

Your little sister,

Lish x

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1 comment

  • I feel for nicky and her family.I lost my 30year old son in June. I can place plaque s etc.it is my way of coping . I know my son won't come home. But one mum to another unless you have been there no one understand s, fully .we gave birth to them the ifs,the buts the maybe s .always there a life we did not ask for but the memories we so love. They are in in our heads.x

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