The lengths human beings will go to!

I just cannot believe it. Sitting here this week in my fluffed quilted bed, I read The Guardian. Usually I’m a Dogs Time lady but I decided to give the investigative paper a go and what did I find out!

As I’m sure you know, the Swedish navy has been all at sea (I am working on these) and been trying to find a mystery submarine.

There are fears Vladimir Putin’s expansive-thinking Russia is playing Battleship in the Baltic Sea.

Careerist journalists hell-bent on a scoop (my human person Matt could learn a lot from them) are trying to track down the vessel. According to The Guardian, local fishermen are charging £100 an hour so the hacks can pursue the story by hiring their craft.

Personally I think it’s nothing more than a continental Nessie but with less tartan.

Despite this, all these enterprising anglers gave me a thought. No, not to make another desperate plea for walkies but about making money.

As human beings are so gullible ? Matt should know ? myself and chums Margot the dalmatian from Milden and Frank the labrador from Leiston set ourselves a task.

Humans love their pets ? especially, and rightfully, dogs. So wouldn’t they do anything to find their lost pooches? We decided to do daily rounds to find dogs willing to get in on the scheme – for a small sum they let us take them from their homes and keep them warm, fed and watered for 24 hours.

But, of course, for a substantial fee we help the frantic owners, too ? by providing searching dogs. That’s just capitalism, isn’t it?

As told to Matt Hunter