YOU have to admire Conservative Central Office for being quick off the mark - 40 hours after David Cameron had been elected party leader, the begging letters signed “David” started dropping on doormats.

YOU have to admire Conservative Central Office for being quick off the mark - 40 hours after David Cameron had been elected party leader, the begging letters signed “David” started dropping on doormats.

Mrs Dines was the recipient of a letter starting “I am delighted and honoured to have been elected Leader of the Conservative Party. I want this Party to be a voice for change, optimism and hope in our country. To be that, we need change.”

After a spiel on reaching out to the dispossessed and the disadvantaged, he concludes: “I would love to have your support, your ideas and your enthusiasm. Please complete and return the attached form and help me build a modern, compassionate Conservative Party that can change our country for the better.”

Attached was a donation form for up to £200. At least my wife can be thankful that this new Notting Hill style of progressive Conservativism didn't mean the letter started “Dear Joyce” and end “Yours, Dave” as the new model Tory is known to his groupies, the Cameroons - oh yes, I kid you not,

Meanwhile, comedienne Jo Brand and Labour chairman Ian McCartney tried to reassure their party members that there was no need to be panicked by the arrival of the new Tory leader by sending out e-mails - now Dave, that really is the modern way to do it.

Mr McCartney wrote: “You may have watched Prime Minister's Question Time today. To me, it showed that Conservatives' current rebranding exercise is simply putting a new gloss on the same old Tory policies.

“Tony noted the Tories' new fiscal rule - the proceeds of growth rule - would mean immediate cuts in the Labour government's investment in frontline public services. We need to show Britain what these 'modern Tories' really stand for. Your support is vital.”

That was an invitation to click on the link and send cash through cyber space into Labour's coffers. And note the reference to Tony - the modernisers really do hold politics in a vice.

Ms Brand wrote: “David Cameron (Dave to his friends), an old Etonian distantly related to the Queen, has been elected leader of the Conservative Party. At last, it has dawned on Tory members that they need to be in touch with the reality of the modern world and the lives of the majority of British people!”

Cue the canned laughter. “As his first step, Dave is bringing back that icon of the new century William Hague to the front bench. So I'm asking you to dig deep into your pockets.”

In less than a day, two desperate pleas demanding cash to fight the Tories. And Labour says it isn't worried

THE hapless Liberal Democrats were forced to cancel a publicity stunt at London's Cenotaph yesterday, at which they had planned to demonstrate against the arrest and prosecution of Maya Anne Evans for reading out a list of British soldiers killed in Iraq. Ten MPs intended to read out the same names following the prosecution under Section 132 of the Serious Organised Crime and Police Act 2005, which prohibits unauthorised demonstrations within one kilometre of Westminster.

No reason was given for the change of heart - perhaps quite wisely the Lib Dems didn't want a criminal record.