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Former mayor seeks to break down taboos surrounding death

Margaret Marks with late husband Tim in 2012 Picture: PETER PAYN

Margaret Marks with late husband Tim in 2012 Picture: PETER PAYN

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The last mayor of St Edmundsbury who lost five loved ones in less than four years is encouraging people to talk openly about dying.

Elaine McManus, mayor Margaret Marks, deputy mayor Patrick Chung and his wife Anna at the mayor making last year Picture WEST SUFFOLK COUNCILElaine McManus, mayor Margaret Marks, deputy mayor Patrick Chung and his wife Anna at the mayor making last year Picture WEST SUFFOLK COUNCIL

Margaret Marks, who served as the last borough mayor before the creation of the new West Suffolk Council, is using her experiences to break down taboos around death so the wishes of dying people can be honoured at the end of their life.

Mrs Marks, who lives in Haverhill, lost her husband Tim, her mother, her daughter and two other people she was close to - and now volunteers as a grief counsellor.

"As a society, we need to start changing the way we think about dying," Mrs Marks said.

"We shy away from the subject, but it's something we all need to plan for and should be talking about.

The last mayor of St Edmundsbury Margaret Marks is encouraging people to talk openly about dying
 Picture ANDY ABBOTTThe last mayor of St Edmundsbury Margaret Marks is encouraging people to talk openly about dying Picture ANDY ABBOTT

"I'd urge people to sit down as a family and talk about everything from the type of funeral they'd like and whether they want be buried or cremated, to the music they want playing and the photos which are used.

"Planning can be a really positive experience which is empowering for everyone. It also ensures that the funeral is very personal to the individual, which is incredibly reassuring to those left behind and can make it easier for them to cope with grief. Very importantly, please make a will - the complications that arise from not having one are distressing and far-reaching."

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Mrs Marks was speaking ahead of Dying Matters awareness week, which takes place from Monday, May 13 until Sunday, May 19.

Mrs Marks
 lays a wreath at the Bury St Edmunds Remembrance Service in 2018 Picture: ANDY ABBOTTMrs Marks lays a wreath at the Bury St Edmunds Remembrance Service in 2018 Picture: ANDY ABBOTT

The campaign has been backed by an alliance of health and care partners across the county, including West Suffolk and Ipswich and East Suffolk clinical commissioning groups, East Suffolk and North Essex NHS Foundation Trust, Suffolk County Council and West Suffolk Hospital.

"I was lucky as my father put all of the music he wanted playing onto a tape, so we never had to look back and wonder if we had got things right," Mrs Marks added.

"Tim died very suddenly but I don't have any regrets at all about his funeral - we played his favourite music and planned the day so that he was bought into the wake, which gave as many people as possible the chance to attend share their memories of him and say a very personal farewell.

"I also had the funeral videoed which was particularly comforting, as it helped me to realise the impact which he'd had on so many people's lives."

Mrs Marks is now encouraging people of all ages not to be afraid to begin the conversation with those around them, while also stressing the importance of writing down their wishes and ensuring you know where to find all those vital documents.

"I always thought I was an organised person, but when Tim died I felt like I was walking through a fog," she said. "That's why writing down your wishes is so important."

"The last thing you will ever do for the person you love is to give them a good send-off, and you need to get it right. You can only do that if you know what they want."

For more information about Dying Matters awareness week, visit www.dyingmatters.org/AwarenessWeek

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