Lynne Mortimer - Would you sell a relative on eBay to pay for your dream wedding?

Would you sell a relative on eBay?

Would you sell a relative on eBay? - Credit: Archant

We girt our loins for another day of bridal shopping, writes Lynne Mortimer.

After an excursion before Christmas, Ruth had booked another two shops and the three of us; bride, bridesmaid and mother-of-the-bride set off on what we hoped would be a more successful (ie last) expedition.

It is important, isn’t it, that what you wear for the wedding is perfect? And this is equally as true for the bride as for her mother.

Katie-Bridesmaid and I sat down at the first shop and waited for Ruth to emerge in the first of around six gowns. By the end of the day we would have seen approximately one kilometre of tulle, 600m of veil and around 10 kilograms of sparkly bits.

A survey by Bridebook (a digital wedding planner... I have no idea what that means) has revealed some interesting facts about planning the Big Day.


You may also want to watch:


Four in 10 brides said they would have sold a family member to pay for their wedding. That’s assuming the family member is worth more than 40p, of course.

I’ve often wondered what would happen if I put myself on eBay. The auction values tend to start at 99p (already too much, Lynne? ED) and bidding takes place over a set period. Some items have a “buy it now” option. I had pondered it might be interesting, as an experiment, to find out how much someone is willing to pay for you on the open market... taxidermists and Hannibal Lecter need not apply.

Most Read

I suspect, no, I am pretty sure I would attract no bids. These days, I attract very little except spam emails about funeral plans and marital aids, and special deals on airport parking.

I did, in fact, search eBay for “people” and found only little model people, mostly those which adorn train sets eg “10 figures, worker, mixed people suit Hornby etc 00 gauge, brand new.” The whole lot could be yours for £2.99. But it did give me an idea of format.

I think I might go with “One vintage figure, female, still living, would suit collector. References required.”

I know what you’re thinking. No amount of selling family members is going to pay for Ruth’s wedding... although her grandad does make great pickled onions which probably puts him at a premium.

It can be a stressful thing, wedding planning and more than half the 5,000 brides surveyed (65%) said they hated spreadsheets. This is not bed linen.

Anyone who has been out to a pre-arranged meal at a restaurant with a group of people will be familiar with them. Inevitably the cry will go up: “I can’t remember what I ordered” at which point the organiser will produce a spreadsheet marked up with everyone’s menu choices. This document is The Oracle. Even if you’ve been presented with the goats’ cheese vegetarian option when you ordered steak and chips, the spreadsheet is never wrong.

About the same percentage (64%) stressed about going over budget – and one in five did go over. You see this is where a parent can be invaluable. I said to my daughter: “Ruth, darling, you mustn’t worry about money. Here’s £100, I don’t want any change.”

Just over half the brides said they had disagreements over guest lists. Now this is where my husband and I have taken a back seat... in fact, we didn’t even get on the bus. It’s their wedding and we won’t interfere. When you have big families and masses of friends, collected over a lifetime, it just isn’t possible to have everyone there - at least, that’s how Ruth explained it to me when she broke the news I would only be invited to the evening do. (I jest of course. I’m going to be at the wedding if I have to smuggle myself in disguised as a flower arrangement)

I digress. The wedding dress trip was a success. The bride said “yes” to the dress. I didn’t say anything. I was too busy sobbing into a hankie because my daughter looked so beautiful.

I will now describe the dress in full and trust you all not to tell the groom. We’ve told him it is green with black spots but I can exclusively reveal, this is not true. I know I can trust you not to tell Kev the colour of the dress is.....

Become a Supporter

This newspaper has been a central part of community life for many years. Our industry faces testing times, which is why we're asking for your support. Every contribution will help us continue to produce local journalism that makes a measurable difference to our community.

Become a Supporter
Comments powered by Disqus