Mothers’ wisdom on the comedy circuit

Thanks to my friend Beryl for this homage to mothers which has been doing the comedy e-mail circuit:

My mother taught me religion: “You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

She taught me logic: “Because I said so, that’s why.”

More logic: “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, don’t come running to me.”

Irony: “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”


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The science of osmosis: “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

Weather: “This room of yours looks as if it’s been hit by a hurricane.”

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Exaggeration: “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times.”

She taught me about anticipation: “Just wait ‘til I get you home.”

Physiology: “If you keep pulling that face, you’ll stay like that.”

Genetics: “You’re getting just like your father.”

Healthy eating: “It’ll put hairs on your chest.”

Hypocrisy: “Don’t do as I do; do as I say.”

(I added that last one, myself)

lynne.mortimer@eadt.co.uk

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