My week: The incredible shrinking woman

MRS H is toying with the idea of becoming a best-selling author. Surely it can't be too hard just stringing a few words together and making your fortune?Just look at Maeve, JK, Wilbur, PD, Jodi et al.

Victoria Hawkins

MRS H is toying with the idea of becoming a best-selling author. Surely it can't be too hard just stringing a few words together and making your fortune?

Just look at Maeve, JK, Wilbur, PD, Jodi et al. All they've done is spun a few yarns together, slapped them between some covers and turned themselves into millionaires. Crikey I can almost feel the first film premiere and several 100 yards of plush red carpet hoving into view (though, could I pull off doing a 'Gwyneth' in killer heels? No, probably not) and not so much as the opening paragraph has gone down on paper yet.

Don't fancy the garret for writing much though. We have got a trapdoor into the loft so I could turn that into an award-winning pen-woman's den but what with the lack of windows and the regulation 17ft of insulation it would be (a) a bit hot and (b) definitely rather cramped. Maybe the garden shed then a la Roald?

Trouble there is we don't actually possess one so it would have to be the garage (which comes fully furnished with a radio, CD, telephone extension and possibly even a schooner of sherry) but that is the old man's province and he knows if I've so much as breathed in or anywhere near his expandable spanner sets. So that's off limits.

And the genre? Hysterical historical novel? No, never been one much for history and ripping bodices. Crime thriller? Can't think of a plot. Serious literature? Well, no, obviously not an earthly's. Which narrows it down a bit to romcom or chicklit - and judging by the Amazon forests-worth of rubbish already out there it seems that dozens of published writers manage that without having an iota of talent.

Most Read

But, I think I've got the working title. I am toying with a rather catchy Widget Sloanes Meet Hadrian the Pole's Secret Maori, (Aged 56 and One Month) a sort of short posh birds meet slightly aging Eastern European - now emigrated to New Zealand - type romance.

I think it might sell.

Become a Supporter

This newspaper has been a central part of community life for many years. Our industry faces testing times, which is why we're asking for your support. Every contribution will help us continue to produce local journalism that makes a measurable difference to our community.

Become a Supporter