Talking to a toddler on the phone is a one-sided affair

I had the dubious joy of talking to 22-month-old grandson George on the phone.

“Hello, George! It’s me g-g-gran-thing”

There is a high-pitched wail from the other end of phone. My son, Mark, speaks: “Hi, mum, sorry about that. He’s got his elephant stuck in his truck.”

It sounded like a job for the RAC. I tried again. “Hello, George, are you playing with your truck?”

Silence. Mark comes back on the phone: “He’s smiling.” I take his word for it.


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“So, George, are you being a good boy?”

I receive a snort by way of reply. And then it’s Mark again: “I don’t know why he made his pig noise.” As conversationalists go, George is minimalist.

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I call my husband through. “Here,” I pass him the phone, “speak to your grandson.”

He does his jolly voice: “Hello, George. It’s grandpa... hello, hello?”

There is a pause. “Did he say anything?”

“He miaowed,” said my husband and passed the phone back to me.

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