Ipswich-bound comedian Jimeoin shares his speed of cheese theory

Forget Einstein’s speed of light nonsense, comedian Jimeoin is about to change everything we think we know about science. Ladies and gentleman, I give you... the speed of cheese.

“No matter what pressure you put on the knife it always goes through the cheese at the same speed. You could drop a guillotine on a block of cheese and it would do the same thing.

“I think it would make a nice unit of measurement for things that were slow. Like the opposite of the speed of light could be the speed of cheese to describe slow things - ‘he came into the room very slowly at three times the speed of cheese’.”

Talking of punchlines, what’s this about him getting into a fight on stage in Esperance, Western Australia?

“That turned the show into a real piece of drama. If you had of acted it, it would have been award-winning. Only thing was it was real,” he says.

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Hopefully his gig at the Ipswich Corn Exchange on March 9 will be a better sort of hit.

Leaving his native Northern Irish town of Portstewart behind, he arrived in Oz as a 22-year-old backpacker and never left.

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The former builder fell into comedy after telling a few jokes at a pub.

The multi-award winner has shared his absurdities on everyday life with record-breaking audiences the length and breadth of his adopted homeland.

He’s also appeared on Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow, Jason Manford’s Comedy Rocks, Best Of Just For Laughs and Best of Edinburgh Comedy Festival, last year’s Royal Variety Show, Live At The Apollo and Late Night with Conan O’Brien.

Liking the audience a TV show brings, Jimeoin is all about performing live. It clearly suits him; his latest tour, Lovely, is going so well extra dates have been added.

“It’s taken a long time to break into the UK but being on Comedy Roadshow, The Royal Variety Show and Live At The Apollo have helped,” he says.“I do the jokes and get on with it, try not to waffle to much. People want gags, not opinions.”

That said, Jimeoin believes everyone is funny, adding: “Stand-ups have just overcome the fear of public speaking.”

I won’t tell my dad that; Christmas cracker makers have turned down his jokes.

Jimeoin has also starred in and co-written two Australian feature film comedies - 1999’s The Craic, second only to The Matrix box office wise in his native Ireland; and 2005’s The Extra which also did well.

“I did the films to try to increase my profile and get more people to the gigs. If I could’ve called them Jimeoin is on tour around the UK I would’ve.”

Don’t mention his stand-up show cum travelogue series Jimeoin Down Under though, which saw him tour the vast outback regions of Australia as well as playing the major cities and festivals.

He became the first comedian to go totally “over the top” of the country, playing a mix of hotels, theatres, swimming pools and even cattle ranches.

“I would never do that again. In fact I never want to see a camera again. Editing 350 hours of tapes was such a pain. So over it at the end.”

While quoted as saying he’s not really into the nationality thing, he added when it comes to sport he really goes for Australia because: “well, Ireland’s **** at everything so what choice do I have?”

So what attracted him to Oz?

“Well I only speak English so my choices are limited and I like warm climates. I think I’m a traveller really. If I was brought up in OZ I would probably be living in Ireland right now. I love the romantic note of life more than life. Woooh, deep one Jimmy.”

A keen fisherman and golfer, Jimeoin loves trying new outdoor adventures.

“Whatever I do I get bored very quickly. Trick for me is just to hire everything. I have these mountaineering boots at home I’ve used once. Every time I look at them it’s a reminder - hire everything.”

Finally, any message for his fans here in the UK?

“Did I mention the tour,” he asks.

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