Thanks to my friend Beryl for this homage to mothers which has been doing the comedy e-mail circuit:
My mother taught me religion: “You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
She taught me logic: “Because I said so, that’s why.”
More logic: “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, don’t come running to me.”
Irony: “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
The science of osmosis: “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
Weather: “This room of yours looks as if it’s been hit by a hurricane.”
Exaggeration: “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times.”
She taught me about anticipation: “Just wait ‘til I get you home.”
Physiology: “If you keep pulling that face, you’ll stay like that.”
Genetics: “You’re getting just like your father.”
Healthy eating: “It’ll put hairs on your chest.”
Hypocrisy: “Don’t do as I do; do as I say.”
(I added that last one, myself)
lynne.mortimer@eadt.co.uk
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