ANDREW Appleby, who is standing as an Independent candidate in Suffolk West, is no shrinking violet.

The former Liberal Democrat, who is a Forest Heath councillor, believes his contacts in Argentina give him an advantage when trying to find a long-term solution to the Falklands crisis. “Mi Amigo Argentinas is the Numero Uno del Pato (basketball on horseback) in Argentina (as famous as Maradona), so I have some influence there...”

n TREADING THE BOARDS: The Peoples Party Essex is fielding just one candidate at this election – and they’ve selected Colchester, England’s oldest recorded borough where people’s champion Boudicca took on the Romans.

Candidate Garryk Noble explains he came by his unusual first name. “My mother was a thespian and I was named after the Garrick Theatre in London. However, she realised I might get taunted at school, so she changed the ‘i’ into ‘y’ so I could shorten it to Garry. Now I’ve decided to go back to my full, given, name.”

n BLOWING HIS TRUMPET: When the United Kingdom Independence Party’s leader Lord Pearson of Rannoch went campaigning in Hadleigh, he was greeted by the Town Crier, Barry Nutt, who is the Hadleigh branch chairman of UKIP Suffolk South.

After giving a few blasts on his trumpet, he led Lord Pearson and Suffolk South candidate David Campbell Bannerman down to the site of the proposed Tesco superstore, demanding a referendum on whether local people want the retail giant in the heart of their tranquil market town.

n A BIT OF OLD BULL: Eric Pickles, the Conservative Party chairman who is seeking re-election in the Essex constituency of Brentwood & Ongar, has been out sampling a political brew. It was at The Black Bull, in Yarm, where you are given a choice of pint from the blue pump, the red pump or the yellow pump.

Eric said: “While we were there the Cameron pint was doing well, at full strength with great clarity. I didn’t try it myself but I am told that the red pint leaves a nasty, bitter aftertaste and the yellow pint was neither one thing nor the other.”

n HAPPY EVENT: There is more to life than politics. My son and daughter-in-law have just made me a proud grandfather with the birth of a daughter at University College Hospital’s superb new Garrett Anderson maternity unit off London’s Euston Road. So I had a few days away from the hustings to bask in their reflected glory.

And before Labour supporters inundate me with emails pointing out the Government’s investment in the National Health Service, I agree – it’s just a pity so much cash was wasted in top-heavy bureacracy.