So I hear dogs are good for their human person’s mental health.

I have been telling Matt this for years but to no avail.

When will he learn that instead of hours in front of a computer pretending to work he actually takes me for walkies.

Dogs and humans have apparently lived together for 15,000 years but I don’t know if I will live that long. And because of Matt’s sheer laziness I won’t be helping him with his health.

As loyal readers will know in previous columns I have made reference to my weight which has a habit of increasing.

It’s not just my waistline which I watch; I think all of us canines should care about our own health.

And it is now I can tell you of my new business venture. Gone are the days when an owner’s idea of making their pooch look and feel good was chucking a bucket of cold water over it and calling it a wash!

Apart from a crime which I think the RSPCA should inspect it leaves dogs unhappy. All my friends, well Margot the dalmatian from Milden at least, want to have that warm glow inside.

So from now instead of feeding us leftover slop called Sunday’s Roast we must eat and drink healthily.

I’d like to be a kind of doggie Gwyneth Paltrow – all green tea and blueberries.

I called Frank the labrador from Leiston and tried to get him to see the benefits of eating food slowly.

But he said he likes to eat quickly because it means he can move on to his next bowl.

There is still hope though that before the end of the month I will look slimmer, younger and more beautiful.

As told to Matt Hunter