Wrap up warm, we’re going inside

Scott of the Antarctic, Amundsen of Norway, Peary of America; to the pantheon of great names associated with the icy polar regions you can add Small But Fierce of Ipswich.

The weather has turned a touch parky, you will have noticed. Possibly you won’t have noticed that much because you have heating and hot water in your homes, unlike us.

Tim the central heating wizard has descended and in a blur of copper, blowtorches, pipe-benders and other plumbery has eviscerated our old boiler and installed something space-agey in the airing cupboard.

It all looks fantastic but at the time of writing is still not quite at the making water hot part of the operation.

Keen-eyed visitors to the abode would also notice the absence of a ceiling in the kitchen, leading to excellent views of the underneath of our tiles and draughts that move your hair about.


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In short, we are cold. Not yet at the Ranulph Twistleton Wykeham Fiennes chop-off-your-own frostbitten toes stage, but decidedly blue of ear and finger.

SBF is bundled up like an Inuit and only adds clothing to go to bed. The hound has gone into hibernation, burrowing into his blankets and is refusing to go outside, even though its warmer out there. If he had opposable thumbs he’d be on the blower to the RSPCA, asking if he could have his old room back.

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I have adopted fingerless mitts and a wooly hat with earflaps, resembling a stylistic collision between Fagin and a middle-aged snowboarder - not a great look and not one coming to your High Street anytime soon, I suspect.

But enough whinging. SBF is feeling very pleased with herself for despite having no kitchen she has made a young man very happy. I’d better qualify that quickly; in the past her culinary skills gave her legendary status among the Ginger Ninja’s friends for the quality of her chilli con carne.

Now she has won a new admirer at the GN’s uni after he took back a banana cake crafted lovingly by the curly one.

“Jordan says its the best thing he’s ever eaten,” reported the tall seeker of knowledge. “Ever.”

Well, you could have knocked SBF down with a tent peg mallet. She has been going round as pleased as a cold woman with two hats on. Never mind diamonds and furs, the way to this woman’s heart is to be nice about her baking, especially if you’re a nice young man...

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