THERE are no words. This wasn’t a concert, it was an experience; a surreal journey into the minds of two forces of nature.

Everybody was on their feet from the moment John and Edward Grimes, the true stars of last year’s X Factor, bounded on to the stage at the Ipswich Regent last night and they didn’t sit down again until the lights came on.

The only people having more fun than them were Jedward themselves, who bounced and flipped around the stage like two kids who had been force-fed sweets all Christmas Eve, not allowed to go to sleep and then told they couldn’t open their presents until Boxing Day.

Not pausing for breath they danced and san... um did I mention the dancing?

Look, I could bash their singing but it’d be like smacking a puppy across the nose with one of the slippers it’s just fetched for you.

Let’s be fair, a 36-year-old who thinks music peaked with The Bangles is hardly these boys’ target audience.

That’s not to say the crowd was all screaming young girls - although there more than a few there with “I love Jedward” painted across their faces. There were grown men, women, a couple of Father Christmases and one guy decked out with more fairy lights than the high street.

Banners, flags, fake roses and at one point a boot - thrown at one of the twins - filled the air as the duo performed (phew, dodged the s-word again) hits from the Backstreet Boys and Black Eyed Peas to the Beastie Boys and Bay City Rollers to name a few.

Among those who’d eagerly queued as the snow fell were Emma Dickinson and Abbi Bevilacqua, both 18, of Stowmarket and fellow Suffolk New College friend Gabby Maddison, 19, of Woodbridge.

They’d snagged tickets right up the front of the stage for the show as soon as they went on sale. Two of them even got their picture taken with an uncharacteristically unquiffed Jedward at the back gate just before the performance.

“They’re so down to earth,” said Abbi. “We’re looking forward to the show definitely.”

The last show of the tour, it was bewildering and entertaining in equal measure.

They seemed obsessed about the theatre’s exit signs, high-fived a toddler thrust towards the stage, fired water pistols into the crowd and even stopped the concert so Edward could hairspray John’s lagging locks back into place before giving the can, some gel, water and even a pair of signed scooters they’d been riding all during the tour to audience members.

Special mention must go to support act Shockolady, who’s power pop, post rock and glam fusion got everybody in the mood for the main act.

Planet Jedward is an all right place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there. For those dragged along by their children, girlfriends or mums look on the bright side - you could’ve been watching Wagner.

Wayne Savage